by D. C. Haddock

As you know, the election is only five days away now, and tensions are running high. I, however, am getting extremely excited in the nerdiest way possible. Tomorrow I get to present my research project on the Electoral College in my math class, which basically means I get to pretend I know more about our political system than anyone else in the class (which may sadly be true, considering it’s a gen-ed math class and I go to community college… but hey! Who am I to judge? They hopefully watched the debates…). Anyway, I’m ridiculously excited to present this project, which is completely abnormal for me, as I normally despise having to speak in front of groups. I think I’m really just hoping to convey some sort of notion of the importance of an election to people my age; the outcome will directly affect them whether they choose to believe it or not. Everyone’s probably heard that kind of commentary before, but I don’t think it can be stressed enough.

Tonight I went to a political fundraiser where I was asked to sing the National Anthem, and folks, I must tell you, if you ever get a chance to see your Congressmen speak, go see them! I saw Maryland’s House Rep. Andy Harris and candidate-for-Senate Dan Bongino, and it was truly an educational experience. Now I imagine some of you may be starting to tune out already, thinking, “Dear god, I do not feel like reading about someone’s political agenda.” That is not the point I’m trying to make here. All I say to you is this: listen. Listen to everyone. Because no matter how bat-shit crazy someone may sound, there will always be something to learn (even if it’s along the lines of “damn, I never want to be like that person.”) You’ve heard me talk about my Archaeology professor before, and though I’m fairly certain that we are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to topics like these (he loves to go on rants in the middle of lecture, but it never really bothers me, surprisingly; I like hearing what he has to say) we will always agree on a few key principles:

a) Everyone has an opinion, and don’t you dare deny it. Go voice it.

b) If you didn’t vote, you have absolutely no right to complain.

c) Politics will find you. You can’t hide from them.

d) For the love of God, VOTE! It’s your inalienable, undeniable right, a right that is denied to so many people who wish to have what we have all around the world! Take advantage of it!

One last point- don’t think the whole “my vote won’t matter or count for anything,” trick works, either. You’re voting for a third party? Fine, they’ll always act as spoilers. Voting as a Dem in a red state? It will still count towards the popular election. Sometimes winning is not so important as sending a message.

I have to end my diatribe with something ridiculous, so here’s a picture of Robert Downey Jr. pointing a gun at you while riding his bike with no handlebars.